And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor 12:9 (ASV)
The four months I spent in Ruston were fruitful, both physically and spiritually. Overtime, I grew strong enough to sit up in a wheelchair and regained the use of my arms and to some degree my right leg. My hands never came back and I did't regain full strength of my arms. I was told that I would never walk again. That was like giving me permission to prove the doctors wrong. And, I did. Eventually, with braces I walked, but that was the least of my worries.
Coming to terms with my new body with all the things it was missing was a process that took nearly two years and to some degree is ongoing. As it turns out, my denial about the use of my bladder cost me more than I care to imagine. For the first six months, I would not take any medication for bladder spasms. That resulted in my bladder shrinking down to the size of a tennis ball. Bowel maintenance was quite the shocker, as well. They talked about a "program" that I would need to get on for my bowel maintenance, and that I did. Seeing my "life" as over was exactly the thing I HAD to do. "My life" was over.
I had to mourn the ability to walk, but even more my independence and privacy. My entire world was laid bare. As I mentioned, the first two years were hard. The first year I spent learning how to exist. The second year I mourned my existence. And that, mourning, is exactly what I had to do so that I could move on. At some point, I had to decide whether to I could lie down and die in self-pity or figure out the challenges and experience my new life with an attitude of gratitude.
I remember thinking one day that I was thankful for my new life. What? What was I thinking?! I mean, really. Thankful? Oh, don't misunderstand me. Times were hard. Financially and physically, I was bankrupt, but spiritually I was rich. I understood what Jesus says about His grace. His grace is sufficient for me. It was His grace that took me from a time of mourning to an attitude of gratitude.
I wish my brother could meet you. He fell asleep at the wheel to wake up to a wheelchair. He is quadriplegic and no one can seem to "give" him the motivation to do anything positive for himself. He needs to meet someone who is going through or has been through what he is going through. I think you would be an inspiration.
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