Gratitude: Perspective Showered in Grace

And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor 12:9 (ASV)


The four months I spent in Ruston were fruitful, both physically and spiritually. Overtime, I grew strong enough to sit up in a wheelchair and regained the use of my arms and to some degree my right leg. My hands never came back and I did't regain full strength of my arms. I was told that I would never walk again. That was like giving me permission to prove the doctors wrong. And, I did. Eventually, with braces I walked, but that was the least of my worries.

Coming to terms with my new body with all the things it was missing was a process that took nearly two years and to some degree is ongoing. As it turns out, my denial about the use of my bladder cost me more than I care to imagine. For the first six months, I would not take any medication for bladder spasms. That resulted in my bladder shrinking down to the size of a tennis ball. Bowel maintenance was quite the shocker, as well. They talked about a "program" that I would need to get on for my bowel maintenance, and that I did. Seeing my "life" as over was exactly the thing I HAD to do. "My life" was over.

I had to mourn the ability to walk, but even more my independence and privacy. My entire world was laid bare. As I mentioned, the first two years were hard. The first year I spent learning how to exist. The second year I mourned my existence. And that, mourning, is exactly what I had to do so that I could move on. At some point, I had to decide whether to I could lie down and die in self-pity or figure out the challenges and experience my new life with an attitude of gratitude.

I remember thinking one day that I was thankful for my new life. What? What was I thinking?! I mean, really. Thankful? Oh, don't misunderstand me. Times were hard. Financially and physically, I was bankrupt, but spiritually I was rich. I understood what Jesus says about His grace. His grace is sufficient for me. It was His grace that took me from a time of mourning to an attitude of gratitude.

Steps

This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.
Neil Armstrong

Recently, I decided to drag out my braces and walker to start working on walking "for exercise" again. At one time, I was able to walk quite some distance for a quadriplegic, but then I had a second car accident that crushed my "good leg" and thereby shortening it by about two inches. That was in 2005 and I haven't had the heart or courage to try it again since I lost all the muscle tone and length in my right leg.

I was recently told that standing may help with some seemingly unrelated health problems I've been having for the past few years, so I swallowed my pride/fear and dragged out my gear. I had many fears and questions as my daughter, Gabi, was strapping me to my braces. Before I knew it, tears were stinging my eyes, but Gabi's enthusiasm was contagious and I found myself eager to see what, if anything, I was able to do.

My first time standing was euphoric (or maybe that was all the blood leaving my brain, cannot be sure), but it was a great feeling. I could not stand long because my blood pressure bottomed out, so I plopped back down in my chair. We did it again and again. There were no steps that day, but just standing made me have hope. I allowed five years of fear to keep me from experiencing that hope again. Lesson learned!

The next day I decided to try and take a step. It may not have been a universal "Neil Armstrong" step, but it was a personal "Neil Armstrong" step. The next day I tried to take two steps and did. This has spurred me on to getting physical therapy started again.

The moral (or morale) of this story is to not allow fear to steal the hope that is given to us by God. It is in our weaknesses and even insecurities that God's strength is made perfect. Do not allow fear to steal the hopes and dreams you have for your future. It does not matter what your age or stage in life is; secure your hope in God and He will make a way where there seems to be no way.