Picture yourself on the side of a beautiful mountain. The hiking trails wind out to some beautiful lookouts. There are beautiful scenes below and yon that simply take your breath away. As you are caught up in the beauty that surrounds you, you hear a faint scratch of gravel. You look behind you to see who is coming up the trail to join you. No one. Ah, must've been your imagination. You go back to meditating, soaking up the beauty that God has given at this very moment for you to enjoy. Then, there it is again. The sound is fainter, but it is definitely the sound of scratching gravel. You look around. Nothing. You look over the edge and there it is...the source of the sound. There is someone with nails embedded on the edge of a cliff about to give way to the edge.
I've been that hiker...The one so caught up in the wonderful world God created for me to enjoy that I simply did not see or hear those around me that were hurting. Not anymore. Once you've been the person over the edge and survived, you become keenly aware of those that are hurting around you.
Do you ever feel like you've been just "existing" so long that when you realize it you're on the edge? I mean like THE EDGE! Not just a few days of the doldrums, but a long time of no joy, peace, or happiness. I have. It is suffocating. When the things that once was your greatest source of joy no longer is able to produce any emotion in you, somewhere, somehow things have gotten off track. Most of the time, we are the ones off track.
I recently heard a story of two lumberjacks, one young and the other older, more seasoned. The young, brawny lumberjack challenged the older one to a contest and the one who cut the most trees down at the end of the day would be the "world's greatest lumberjack." The young man chopped non-stop all day long, never taking a break. The older man, however, stopped after every tree and sat down for about 15 minutes. At the end of the day the older lumberjack and won. When questioned how he was able to win, he said that after every tree he chopped down he sat and sharpened his ax...
I think some of us go after life like the young lumberjack and at some point we are just "chopping trees" (existing) with a dull ax. Just as the older lumberjack stopped to sharpen the edge of his blade, I think we must stop and sharpen our spiritual edge. Certainly, when he stopped to sharpen his ax, he was also able to rest. Sometimes we need to get away from the things of the world and sharpen our axes and rest. Maybe then, we can climb off the edge of the cliff of hopelessness and have an edge to be more effective in God's kingdom work.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Perspectives: 20/20 With a Cockney Accent
I recently returned to my home town, Oak Grove, LA, for a funeral. No, not at all a good reason to return, but I really only passed through the town. When I go back home, my mind goes back to when I lived there and was a very active part of the community with all the emotions that are attached. Some are good. Great, even. And some, well, they still sting.
On this last trip to Oak Grove, I thought about high school. My glory days! I can still remember the feeling I would get walking down the halls of my high school. It reminds me of the "Cheers" sitcom theme song..."Where everybody knows your name..." And everybody DID know everybody's name. We were a small school, but we felt larger than life!
I remember homecoming dress-up days. Those were the greatest. Here in this picture is a dear friend of mine, Kim McAllister and myself on "50's Day." What fun! I always had a flair for the "dramatic." I suppose that's where my child gets it, as he is a theater major.
Our school was fortunate to have a couple of ladies that would dedicate hours on top of hours for the Senior class to present a play at the end of the year. I always looked so forward to the day that I was a Senior and could participate in the play as this was the ONLY outlet of this type for students when I was that age. Well, the day came for auditions. I was thrilled and thought I was a shoe in. Afterall, I was the most dramatic person I knew! I auditioned for the maid with a cockney accent. Well, after the sponsors heard all of our auditions, they posted the parts on a piece of paper...*tick tick tick*. I know the suspense is killing you. What part did I get? The lead? The maid? *tick tick tick* Alright already! I'll not keep you in suspense any longer. I did not get any part. WHAT?! Me? I know, right. I did not get to be a part of the Senior play.
I was DEVASTATED. I thought of every conspiracy theory from JFK's assassination to aliens did it! I mean really. No one knew how utterly defeated I felt. I almost sunk into a deep depression because of it, too, but through myself into school work (and college courses). Now, before you start feeling too sorry for me, I'd like to share a different perspective on the Senior play that may enlighten you.
You know it is said that "hindsight is 20/20"? Well, my perspective from 26 years of reevaluating my life is this: I was not very dependable in high school. You see, I had been notorious for starting some things and quitting or not completely meeting all the requirements needed to be a part of the organizations on school campus. For instance, I quit playing basketball. I quit playing softball only to start again only to quit again. I did not go to cheerleader camp (a requirement to be on the squad) for my senior year (I went to college instead) and I was, subsequently, asked to leave the squad. In short, I was not a team player!
Looking back over our lives and taking off the rose colored glasses is difficult. However, I think it is necessary to be honest about our flaws in order to effect a real change in our behaviors. Real, lasting change comes through the strength and grace of God. It is not within ourselves. Sure, intrinsic motivation must be a factor, but only through the Holy Spirit does these changes last.
Two bits of attitude adjustment that I was left with as I pondered these things: God has so graciously given me a son that loves the theater more than I ever could have and is allowing him to pursue his dreams. And, that young lady in the picture with me...she got the part of the maid with the cockney accent and she was PERFECT for that role!*clap clap clap* Worthy of a stand "O"!
On this last trip to Oak Grove, I thought about high school. My glory days! I can still remember the feeling I would get walking down the halls of my high school. It reminds me of the "Cheers" sitcom theme song..."Where everybody knows your name..." And everybody DID know everybody's name. We were a small school, but we felt larger than life!
I remember homecoming dress-up days. Those were the greatest. Here in this picture is a dear friend of mine, Kim McAllister and myself on "50's Day." What fun! I always had a flair for the "dramatic." I suppose that's where my child gets it, as he is a theater major.
Our school was fortunate to have a couple of ladies that would dedicate hours on top of hours for the Senior class to present a play at the end of the year. I always looked so forward to the day that I was a Senior and could participate in the play as this was the ONLY outlet of this type for students when I was that age. Well, the day came for auditions. I was thrilled and thought I was a shoe in. Afterall, I was the most dramatic person I knew! I auditioned for the maid with a cockney accent. Well, after the sponsors heard all of our auditions, they posted the parts on a piece of paper...*tick tick tick*. I know the suspense is killing you. What part did I get? The lead? The maid? *tick tick tick* Alright already! I'll not keep you in suspense any longer. I did not get any part. WHAT?! Me? I know, right. I did not get to be a part of the Senior play.
I was DEVASTATED. I thought of every conspiracy theory from JFK's assassination to aliens did it! I mean really. No one knew how utterly defeated I felt. I almost sunk into a deep depression because of it, too, but through myself into school work (and college courses). Now, before you start feeling too sorry for me, I'd like to share a different perspective on the Senior play that may enlighten you.
You know it is said that "hindsight is 20/20"? Well, my perspective from 26 years of reevaluating my life is this: I was not very dependable in high school. You see, I had been notorious for starting some things and quitting or not completely meeting all the requirements needed to be a part of the organizations on school campus. For instance, I quit playing basketball. I quit playing softball only to start again only to quit again. I did not go to cheerleader camp (a requirement to be on the squad) for my senior year (I went to college instead) and I was, subsequently, asked to leave the squad. In short, I was not a team player!
Looking back over our lives and taking off the rose colored glasses is difficult. However, I think it is necessary to be honest about our flaws in order to effect a real change in our behaviors. Real, lasting change comes through the strength and grace of God. It is not within ourselves. Sure, intrinsic motivation must be a factor, but only through the Holy Spirit does these changes last.
Two bits of attitude adjustment that I was left with as I pondered these things: God has so graciously given me a son that loves the theater more than I ever could have and is allowing him to pursue his dreams. And, that young lady in the picture with me...she got the part of the maid with the cockney accent and she was PERFECT for that role!*clap clap clap* Worthy of a stand "O"!
Friday, January 21, 2011
"Noise" or Harmony
Nationwide Insurance has some really clever commercials. The "Best Spokesperson" actor Bob Wiltfong takes the over-the-top approach to caring for the insureds. The one that really piqued my attention was the one with Jack Hanna the famous animal trainer. They reference how that having your insurances spread out with different companies can be compared to the sounds of many birds singing out of harmony. Here. Watch.
Once the insurer gets all his insurances with "one company" i.e. Nationwide, the birds all sing in harmony. The look on Jack Hanna's face was obviously intended to cause us to think his life was going to be more peaceful. Peace and harmony do go hand-in-hand, but sometimes...sometimes, that's not always the case. Life is not as simple as silly commercials make it out to be, that's for sure. I was recently in an auto accident and I really like my insurance company, but my insurance company didn't provide me with any peace. Sure, I was comforted in knowing that I would be able to pay for all the damages, but that certainly wasn't the source of my peace.
I wonder about ol' Paul. You know, he was ship wrecked three times and the only insurance he carried was his faith in the grace of God. We, like Jack Hanna implied in the commercial, can let ourselves get spread thin with all the "noise" in our lives. But, if we were to cast all our cares and burdens on God, we may just have the peace that Paul referred to in Philippians 4:6-7. I know for me, that when I get still before the Lord and meditate on His attributes; Who He is and that He loves me and cares about the things that really matter to me...there are no words that can express my gratitude.
With all the social networking we have today with Facebook and Twitter, our lives can be read in one sentence (sometimes sentence fragments) sound bites. You can see who is having a good day and you can see who is having a really bad day. We respond accordingly, with words of congratulations or words of encouragement. I wonder...January 17, 2011 has been dubbed "Blue Monday" because apparently that is the day more people are depressed than any other...What if we were to read all the post on Facebook and Twitter and gauge just how depressed everyone appeared to be. Then, let's dub January 24, 2011 "Yellow Monday" focusing on our blessings and see how everyones' attitude appears to be. I think if we were cognizant of our many blessings we would murmur and complain much less. Most of us would have the look of Jack Hanna and our spirits would be more at peace. Our attitude may just become that of gratitude, especially if we considered the source of our blessings.
Some things in life do not make sense to our finite, mortal minds. Some pains are deeper than merely "counting blessings" and having harmony. For those kind of hurts and pains...much time spent alone with God, our Father (Abba) and Creator, can and will help us see that His grace is sufficient to carry us through the darkest places the heart and mind can travel. My friend Todd Turner said it best..."Sometimes we need a little reminder, a pick-me-up. But sometimes it's much deeper. Some folks want to make the little things into major issues. And some folks try to sweep major issues under the rug, calling them little bumps in the road. It's the difference between a scrape that calls for a band aid and a major wound calling for surgery. Walking in good health means knowing how to tell the difference."
I encourage the hurting to get alone. Be still. Think of our Abba Father sitting on the throne and that He is in control. By faith, and again I say, by FAITH, trust Him to quiet the noise that is causing your pain.
Once the insurer gets all his insurances with "one company" i.e. Nationwide, the birds all sing in harmony. The look on Jack Hanna's face was obviously intended to cause us to think his life was going to be more peaceful. Peace and harmony do go hand-in-hand, but sometimes...sometimes, that's not always the case. Life is not as simple as silly commercials make it out to be, that's for sure. I was recently in an auto accident and I really like my insurance company, but my insurance company didn't provide me with any peace. Sure, I was comforted in knowing that I would be able to pay for all the damages, but that certainly wasn't the source of my peace.
I wonder about ol' Paul. You know, he was ship wrecked three times and the only insurance he carried was his faith in the grace of God. We, like Jack Hanna implied in the commercial, can let ourselves get spread thin with all the "noise" in our lives. But, if we were to cast all our cares and burdens on God, we may just have the peace that Paul referred to in Philippians 4:6-7. I know for me, that when I get still before the Lord and meditate on His attributes; Who He is and that He loves me and cares about the things that really matter to me...there are no words that can express my gratitude.
With all the social networking we have today with Facebook and Twitter, our lives can be read in one sentence (sometimes sentence fragments) sound bites. You can see who is having a good day and you can see who is having a really bad day. We respond accordingly, with words of congratulations or words of encouragement. I wonder...January 17, 2011 has been dubbed "Blue Monday" because apparently that is the day more people are depressed than any other...What if we were to read all the post on Facebook and Twitter and gauge just how depressed everyone appeared to be. Then, let's dub January 24, 2011 "Yellow Monday" focusing on our blessings and see how everyones' attitude appears to be. I think if we were cognizant of our many blessings we would murmur and complain much less. Most of us would have the look of Jack Hanna and our spirits would be more at peace. Our attitude may just become that of gratitude, especially if we considered the source of our blessings.
Some things in life do not make sense to our finite, mortal minds. Some pains are deeper than merely "counting blessings" and having harmony. For those kind of hurts and pains...much time spent alone with God, our Father (Abba) and Creator, can and will help us see that His grace is sufficient to carry us through the darkest places the heart and mind can travel. My friend Todd Turner said it best..."Sometimes we need a little reminder, a pick-me-up. But sometimes it's much deeper. Some folks want to make the little things into major issues. And some folks try to sweep major issues under the rug, calling them little bumps in the road. It's the difference between a scrape that calls for a band aid and a major wound calling for surgery. Walking in good health means knowing how to tell the difference."
I encourage the hurting to get alone. Be still. Think of our Abba Father sitting on the throne and that He is in control. By faith, and again I say, by FAITH, trust Him to quiet the noise that is causing your pain.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Finding Joy in Your Perspective
Recently, someone mentioned that my perspective on life was pretty upbeat especially considering all that I lost in the car accident in 1993. That got me to thinking...I lost plenty, granted, but I gained so much more. I gained an appreciation for how fragile life is. I gained an appreciation for small victories that over time become monumental triumphs. But most importantly, I gained a relationship with God that I never would have known had I not sustained a SCI that "slowed my roll". Yes, I am eternally thankful for my injury in that respect, but...
A friend of one of my children was commenting that he had never known the story behind my wheelchair...What?! How could you NOT know? I thought about that and I realized how I had failed in sharing with him about the grace of God and how that because of Jesus Christ I have life, and not JUST life, but ABUNDANT life and not just abundant life, but life ETERNAL with God! Can I get an AMEN?! Eh hmm...But, he did not know, nor had he ever asked because he was being polite (how sweet!). But, he had never asked my children either. So, that got me to thinking. Looking at my SCI strictly from my perspective, I am grateful. There we go with GRatitude again, but I am grateful. However, when I look at it from my children's perspective, my heart sinks and feels a bit sick.
I know that my children are grateful they have me, but they lost so much March 30, 1993. I can spend many strokes of the keyboard delineating each of their losses, but I'm sure you can figure a few of them out for yourselves. I have to admit that when I look at our accident from their eyes I ache on a guttural level. Yes, grateful that they have me, but maybe not as full of gratitude as I am.
My son said it best. I have a different frame of reference than they. Where I had the luxury of knowing life as an able bodied person, all he and my daughter have is the accident to build their perspectives. Honestly, that fact saddened me. I knew that, but I had never had anyone say that out loud. Now, here he was voicing how he felt about it. It can be compared to life before 9/11/01. We all knew what life was like before 9/11, but our children will never experience the same freedom (granted that you are older than 30 years). I know they are grateful I'm alive to be a part of their lives, but may not have the same level of gratitude.
Perspective is relative. Joy is a choice. The ability to find joy in a battered perspective is only accomplished through the grace.
A friend of one of my children was commenting that he had never known the story behind my wheelchair...What?! How could you NOT know? I thought about that and I realized how I had failed in sharing with him about the grace of God and how that because of Jesus Christ I have life, and not JUST life, but ABUNDANT life and not just abundant life, but life ETERNAL with God! Can I get an AMEN?! Eh hmm...But, he did not know, nor had he ever asked because he was being polite (how sweet!). But, he had never asked my children either. So, that got me to thinking. Looking at my SCI strictly from my perspective, I am grateful. There we go with GRatitude again, but I am grateful. However, when I look at it from my children's perspective, my heart sinks and feels a bit sick.
I know that my children are grateful they have me, but they lost so much March 30, 1993. I can spend many strokes of the keyboard delineating each of their losses, but I'm sure you can figure a few of them out for yourselves. I have to admit that when I look at our accident from their eyes I ache on a guttural level. Yes, grateful that they have me, but maybe not as full of gratitude as I am.
My son said it best. I have a different frame of reference than they. Where I had the luxury of knowing life as an able bodied person, all he and my daughter have is the accident to build their perspectives. Honestly, that fact saddened me. I knew that, but I had never had anyone say that out loud. Now, here he was voicing how he felt about it. It can be compared to life before 9/11/01. We all knew what life was like before 9/11, but our children will never experience the same freedom (granted that you are older than 30 years). I know they are grateful I'm alive to be a part of their lives, but may not have the same level of gratitude.
Perspective is relative. Joy is a choice. The ability to find joy in a battered perspective is only accomplished through the grace.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Gratitude is Just Attitude Sprinkled with GRace
I love New Orleans. I get excited about getting to go to the French Market and Cafe Du Monde. It didn't even matter that the only reason I had to go to the Big Easy was because my doctor moved back there. I say he moved back there because he came to Monroe, LA as a result of Katrina. I needed to see my doctor and as a result I was able to smother my face in a pile of powdery, sugary, goodness and a cup of chicory that was just divine, but not before the Lord gave me an attitude adjustment.
You've heard the joke about the person praying..."Lord, today has been a good day. I haven't cussed, lied, cheated, etc., but in a few minutes I'm gonna get up and get ready for work..." Well, wouldn't you know that I woke up and "Relinquished my day to the Lord" (in spiritual grandiosity) only to start having disruptions in my schedule. I'd like to say that I handled the alterations of my day with GRace, but initially, that was not the case.
Oh no, at first I was flustered because I needed to get on the road. A trip to New Orleans is about a five hour drive and I HAD to get beignets at Cafe Du Monde in the French Market, after all. I had no idea they kept Wal-Mart hours. But as I was taking care of the unexpected delay, I overheard a reporter for the Weather Channel mention the conditions in the flooded areas of Australia. Snap! Snap! "Forgive me Lord for my attitude instead of my gratitude."
We got on the road Thursday at about three o'clock. Oh yes. I was still gonna get those French donuts, but not that day. I just thought it would behoove us to go to the hotel, find a restaurant nearby, and get up early and have coffee and beignets before my appointment. So, that's what we did. We went straight to the hotel and the bellhop sent us to the greatest restaurant! New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood. Awesome! Some of the best seafood I have ever eaten in New Orleans. The fried oysters were fresh and perfect in size. They seasoned them to perfection. Can you say succulent? Oh, and the shrimp! Wow! So fresh...I tell you this to say, that while we were enjoying this wonderful meal, I got sick. We got all of our food to go and headed back to the hotel. I was bummed. When we got back to the hotel, the automatic door on my van wouldn't close. Mom man-handled the door enough that it closed MOST of the way. I just laid hands on the van, prayed, and went straight to bed. As I lay there in some pretty intense pain, I was "poor, pitiful me" until I thought about the warm, plush bed God had provided. Again...Snap! Snap! Gratitude, not attitude!
So again, Friday, I got up and "Relinquished the day to the Lord." It was not my day to begin with, but I just needed to remind myself. The door to the van, you ask? Well, it worked. Beignets? Got 'em! Doctor's appointment? Made it! End of story? Not hardly!
A friend of mine told me to go to Haydel's Bakery and get a king cake for Mardi Gras. So, I went on a wild king cake chase and rear-ended a young lady who subsequently bumped into the guy in front of her. Yep, the ol' domino effect. No one was injured and their vehicles had minor damage (my van had a bit more). Guess what! I had such an attitude of GRatitude!
Adopting GRatitude as your modus operandi doesn't happen automatically. It isn't our nature to find pearls in pain and perils, but God's GRace is sufficient for us in all of life. He may just have to give you (me) an attitude adjustment so that you (I) can recognize His GRace.
You've heard the joke about the person praying..."Lord, today has been a good day. I haven't cussed, lied, cheated, etc., but in a few minutes I'm gonna get up and get ready for work..." Well, wouldn't you know that I woke up and "Relinquished my day to the Lord" (in spiritual grandiosity) only to start having disruptions in my schedule. I'd like to say that I handled the alterations of my day with GRace, but initially, that was not the case.
Oh no, at first I was flustered because I needed to get on the road. A trip to New Orleans is about a five hour drive and I HAD to get beignets at Cafe Du Monde in the French Market, after all. I had no idea they kept Wal-Mart hours. But as I was taking care of the unexpected delay, I overheard a reporter for the Weather Channel mention the conditions in the flooded areas of Australia. Snap! Snap! "Forgive me Lord for my attitude instead of my gratitude."
We got on the road Thursday at about three o'clock. Oh yes. I was still gonna get those French donuts, but not that day. I just thought it would behoove us to go to the hotel, find a restaurant nearby, and get up early and have coffee and beignets before my appointment. So, that's what we did. We went straight to the hotel and the bellhop sent us to the greatest restaurant! New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood. Awesome! Some of the best seafood I have ever eaten in New Orleans. The fried oysters were fresh and perfect in size. They seasoned them to perfection. Can you say succulent? Oh, and the shrimp! Wow! So fresh...I tell you this to say, that while we were enjoying this wonderful meal, I got sick. We got all of our food to go and headed back to the hotel. I was bummed. When we got back to the hotel, the automatic door on my van wouldn't close. Mom man-handled the door enough that it closed MOST of the way. I just laid hands on the van, prayed, and went straight to bed. As I lay there in some pretty intense pain, I was "poor, pitiful me" until I thought about the warm, plush bed God had provided. Again...Snap! Snap! Gratitude, not attitude!
So again, Friday, I got up and "Relinquished the day to the Lord." It was not my day to begin with, but I just needed to remind myself. The door to the van, you ask? Well, it worked. Beignets? Got 'em! Doctor's appointment? Made it! End of story? Not hardly!
A friend of mine told me to go to Haydel's Bakery and get a king cake for Mardi Gras. So, I went on a wild king cake chase and rear-ended a young lady who subsequently bumped into the guy in front of her. Yep, the ol' domino effect. No one was injured and their vehicles had minor damage (my van had a bit more). Guess what! I had such an attitude of GRatitude!
Adopting GRatitude as your modus operandi doesn't happen automatically. It isn't our nature to find pearls in pain and perils, but God's GRace is sufficient for us in all of life. He may just have to give you (me) an attitude adjustment so that you (I) can recognize His GRace.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Gratitude: Perspective Showered in Grace
And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor 12:9 (ASV)
The four months I spent in Ruston were fruitful, both physically and spiritually. Overtime, I grew strong enough to sit up in a wheelchair and regained the use of my arms and to some degree my right leg. My hands never came back and I did't regain full strength of my arms. I was told that I would never walk again. That was like giving me permission to prove the doctors wrong. And, I did. Eventually, with braces I walked, but that was the least of my worries.
Coming to terms with my new body with all the things it was missing was a process that took nearly two years and to some degree is ongoing. As it turns out, my denial about the use of my bladder cost me more than I care to imagine. For the first six months, I would not take any medication for bladder spasms. That resulted in my bladder shrinking down to the size of a tennis ball. Bowel maintenance was quite the shocker, as well. They talked about a "program" that I would need to get on for my bowel maintenance, and that I did. Seeing my "life" as over was exactly the thing I HAD to do. "My life" was over.
I had to mourn the ability to walk, but even more my independence and privacy. My entire world was laid bare. As I mentioned, the first two years were hard. The first year I spent learning how to exist. The second year I mourned my existence. And that, mourning, is exactly what I had to do so that I could move on. At some point, I had to decide whether to I could lie down and die in self-pity or figure out the challenges and experience my new life with an attitude of gratitude.
I remember thinking one day that I was thankful for my new life. What? What was I thinking?! I mean, really. Thankful? Oh, don't misunderstand me. Times were hard. Financially and physically, I was bankrupt, but spiritually I was rich. I understood what Jesus says about His grace. His grace is sufficient for me. It was His grace that took me from a time of mourning to an attitude of gratitude.
2 Cor 12:9 (ASV)
The four months I spent in Ruston were fruitful, both physically and spiritually. Overtime, I grew strong enough to sit up in a wheelchair and regained the use of my arms and to some degree my right leg. My hands never came back and I did't regain full strength of my arms. I was told that I would never walk again. That was like giving me permission to prove the doctors wrong. And, I did. Eventually, with braces I walked, but that was the least of my worries.
Coming to terms with my new body with all the things it was missing was a process that took nearly two years and to some degree is ongoing. As it turns out, my denial about the use of my bladder cost me more than I care to imagine. For the first six months, I would not take any medication for bladder spasms. That resulted in my bladder shrinking down to the size of a tennis ball. Bowel maintenance was quite the shocker, as well. They talked about a "program" that I would need to get on for my bowel maintenance, and that I did. Seeing my "life" as over was exactly the thing I HAD to do. "My life" was over.
I had to mourn the ability to walk, but even more my independence and privacy. My entire world was laid bare. As I mentioned, the first two years were hard. The first year I spent learning how to exist. The second year I mourned my existence. And that, mourning, is exactly what I had to do so that I could move on. At some point, I had to decide whether to I could lie down and die in self-pity or figure out the challenges and experience my new life with an attitude of gratitude.
I remember thinking one day that I was thankful for my new life. What? What was I thinking?! I mean, really. Thankful? Oh, don't misunderstand me. Times were hard. Financially and physically, I was bankrupt, but spiritually I was rich. I understood what Jesus says about His grace. His grace is sufficient for me. It was His grace that took me from a time of mourning to an attitude of gratitude.
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