But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you. Mark 16:7
In the 90's, I was serving as a youth minister at a sizable church in our community and we had been experiencing a revival for about four years. We had grown quickly and even had to build to hold all the "growth". That was not long after I had become a tetraplegic and subsequently, I had been experiencing a good bit of spiritual growth.
At some point, however, I started seeing marriages falling apart and families leaving the church. It was a sad time toward the end of our time at this church. I remember singing songs about my undying love and devotion to the Lord. My hands would be raised, tears would be falling, and my heart would be about to burst. I secretly prayed, "I'll never go back to where I was before I made you Lord of my life." Can I just say...NEVER say "NEVER!"
By 2001, my family knew it was time to step down as ministers to the youth at this church. We moved to a church "uptown" and started helping the minister to students. Life was great. My family was "safe" and we were serving the Lord. We survived the "outflux" of church goers sitting in divorce court and other places of ill-repute. Until...
2002 was a year of impending doom for my marriage. It started after we returned from a mission trip with the youth. I thought life couldn't get much better, but I was about to find out just how bad it could get. Yes, we survived a wreck that tried to claim our lives, but we couldn't survive the life we were living. My husband was on a slippery slope of befriending a woman that was as unhappy in her marriage as he was in our marriage. The end result was infidelity. By March of 2003, he served me divorce papers while I was in inpatient physical rehab. Crash!
I was devastated. I saw it coming and prayed, believing God was going to heal my marriage. It didn't change the outcome. How could this happen? How could the man that I served the Lord with turn his back on his family and God? I mean I BELIEVED God could and would heal my marriage. It didn't happen and as a result I questioned God. Yes, I questioned the God who saved me, allowed me to see miracles, and allowed me to minister to youth in His name. I was devastated!
Well, there we were. We were one of the fatalities. After being one of the pious pew inhabitants..."I'll never go back to the way I was...", I was back in the "world." I was back in the "out of church" group. I felt betrayed and so I betrayed the One Who had rescued me. Cock-a-doodle-do!
I came to understand the shame that Peter must have felt when he heard the rooster crow. Peter vehemently avowed to Jesus his loyalty and then to fall flat on his face and to do so so publicly. Yep, I totally got it when I saw one of my old youth in a night club. Boy, did I ever hear the rooster! I knew that very moment that I was done, finished, and worthless to God. But...that's not the end of the story.
The gospel of Mark tells us that the angel in the empty tomb knew how worthless Peter was feeling after his public humiliation. I knew how worthless I was feeling after my public humiliation. Mark knew the feeling of disloyalty, as well. He deserted Paul on one of the missionary journeys. However, there are two words that are used in scripture that gives us hope for today..."But God."
But God bestows on His children forgiveness and grace. He used Peter to build His church. Paul used Mark on subsequent missionary journeys. And, He has allowed me to be used in His church again. He is the God of second chances, so never feel like you've gone too far that His grace can't reach you even if you've heard the rooster crow!
